The time has come for me to share with you one of my thousands of epiphanies.
Here is Reason number five of why I’m still single.
I don’t play the field!
In my generation, this is also known as “having hoes”.
For people 40+ who may not quite understand the terminology, let me explain.
Having hoes to us is the equivalent to your version of “dating”.
To most of us (in my generation) “dating” means dating exclusively, or at least that’s what it means to me. When someone asks who you’re dating you usually just say “I’m dating Taysean” as supposed to “I’m dating Taysean, Jack, Peter and Dyquarious”
In your generation, I believe it was considered more like “dating around” or “dating multiple people non exclusively”… I guess it all depends on how you state it honestly.
In my generation, men “having hoes” is a very glorified thing.
Well, in 2017 women got sick of being the victim in a one way monogamous relationship and we’ve decided to “have hoes” our damn self. Aka express our sexual freedoms.. and sometimes not so sexual but it can be what we want it to be because it’s been like that, for men, forever.
Now, we use the terms “sorry, I’m just a bad texter” and “my phone was on silent I didn’t hear it ringing” or “my phone was in the other room all day” as excuses, just like how they were once used on us! I guess you can say, although we already knew the game, we’ve decided to finally play it.
I use the term “we” loosely because although I am a woman, my “having hoes” button is broken!
No seriously! One time, I was texting two different guys, JUST TWO! I went on a date with one and he started talking about his nephew.
I then said “oh my god yes, I saw his picture on your instagram, he’s so cute!”
he said “damn you must’ve went far down my timeline to find that”
…….and at that very moment I realized that I was thinking about the WRONG boy and the WRONG nephew! After the date I looked on his instagram and he didn’t have ANY pictures of his nephew on his page!
I’ve called a guy another guys name before (it was in the heat of the moment and I was pissed and I was so used to being pissed at the other person that my pissedness just confused me and I accidently called him home boys name). I don’t even feel bad about it because he was an ass.
I’m the WORST at this though!
A lot of my female friends have gotten hurt by guys before and it seemed like simultaneously, all of them activated their game play while mine was still installing!!!
Now, after playing the game, one of them is in a really beautiful relationship, one of them kinda fell off the face of the earth so I don’t really have an update, another, is going on dates bi weekly and I live vicariously though her and her stories!
One misconception about “having hoes” is that you’re sexually involved with all of these men.
Now for men and their “hoes” …. Okay I’ll stop using that term. I’ll call them, options.
Men, may have sex with all their options. Based off of the male friends that I have and the stories I’ve heard, although I wish they weren’t true, they claim to be sleeping with all the women they are texting.
That isn’t the case for my female friends. We usually have a ranking.
Our top/main hoe:
The guy who we TRULY like but know that we can’t emotionally invest in them (whether they’re flaky, the timing is wrong, you both are really busy, you don’t know where the heck their head is at).. He usually knows all of your secrets, you have a deep soul connection and this will probably be the guy you’re intimate with (if you’re intimate with anyone at all.)
The medium hoe:
The guy who is really sweet, he usually texts you the most and wants to see you the most. You do enjoy time with him and probably will always have some kind of friendship with him… but he’s just kinda always there. He is appreciated
The bottom hoe:
Your last resort. In some cases, this can be an ex, someone who you truly only go back to if you just need some attention. Other times it can be someone who you can muster up enough energy to be with them because you want some companionship (it’s sad but we do it). Some girls usually use this guy to take them on dates and help them be “unbored”.
I usually fall in love with my top hoe and don’t even give the medium or bottom hoe the time of day.
BUT THAT’S IT! I fall in love, in lust, in infatuation…or I’m simply JUST interested in you (no love, no lust, just interest).
I judged myself so much, up until today, which is why I decided to write this.
I’m actually such a contradiction because right when I was close to being in an actual relationship, I got cold feet and started having thoughts like “BUT I HAVEN’T HAD MY ‘HAVE HOES’ PHASE YET!!! How will I know what I’m not missing?!”
Luckily that guy ABANDONED me before I could panic some more and I was given the opportunity to experience this phase…
But after finally having a genuine “soul” connection with someone (or at least that’s what he pretended it was….PSA I WONT FALL FOR THAT AGAIN so don’t even try it) I realized that my time is WAAAAAAY too valuable to pay attention to guys I don’t genuinely connect with!
Then, when I finally think I may have seen a guy that I could have a connection with (based off of our similarities) I say “no no, I’m not ready for this yet”
But what am I not ready for? To meet someone nice? To have an actual connection?
I think the thing is that I believed that once I met someone and we clicked, that was it, he was it, the game is done and I can finally pour my love into someone…
But just typing that sounds possessive af!
Monogamy is great, monogamy is safe but after all this time I don’t think a relationship or “having options” is what I want right now.
I think I just crave genuine connections, genuine friendships and sometimes romance gets added into that and that’s okay.
I think I also stray away from having options because I’m an empath and I know how it feels to be someone’s option and I also know how it feels to be “left” or “retired” once someone decides to commit to their main interest of affection.
So my point is, I am finally ready to open my heart up to genuine connections. No commitment, no intimacy, no extra sh*t….. just connections to other beings with like minds who make this world a little more tolerable.
Who am I to deprive people of this great mind of mine?
Now watch someone wanna fall in love with me and commit now that I’m “going with the flow… peace, love and grease” and all that stuff LMAO
Now, let’s see if I feel like I want the same thing a month from now.
Until then, my DM’s are open..
LMAO TOTALLY KIDDING !
I hope you enjoyed this entry.
Stay tuned for my next blog that will touch on why having male friends is hard.