How To Curb Feeling Sexual Shame | November 2024
Hola beautiful souls!
Welcome to the October edition of the most exciting email I send out every month lmao
Today's topic is HOW TO CURB THE FEELING SHAME AFTER FEELING PLEASURE.
Soooooo many people have commented on my videos asking me how to avoid feeling shame after pleasure and the real answer is… I don’t know babes cause sometimes I feel it too, but we can figure this out together as we always do.
A lot of people don’t know this but even though I’m a pleasure activist, I have to fight against feeling shame about my sexuality daily.
Between what society shoves down my throat, the negative woman bashing instagram comments and my own inner dialogue (once again influenced by society) and also wondering if my ancestors watch me every time I get off.. Have all played factors in my self love journey.
Instead of feeling shame about feeling shame, I figured now would be the perfect time to dissect it!
I think asking ourselves these __ questions can help us get to the root cause of what we’re feeling.
When was the first time you felt shame about your sexuality?
Is the shame you feel yours or does it come from someone else's unresolved trauma?
How does it feel when you feel shame about your sexuality? Does it feel hot? Confusing? Sad? Maybe you get a tingly and empty feeling on the inside?
What do you feel the most shameful about?
How would you feel about your sexuality if shame didn’t exist?
For me, I believe I started to feel shame about my sexuality when I was 10, this is around the time some pretty life altering things happened and it felt like what started off as a very open and healthy educational relationship with pleasure, morphed into something secretive and slightly disgusting.
My shame definitely is a mix of my own unresolved trauma and the unresolved trauma of others. I grew up with a pleasure positive mom who was open to having discussions about any of my curiosities without judgment but there were definitely some hurdles like my friends and I secretly exploring each others bodies while “playing doctor” & I had to grow through like my dad finding porn on my laptop and feeling like his innocent baby has been tainted. All of this contributed to my relationship that I have with pleasure today.
When I feel shame, I get overwhelmed, my heart gets tight, I feel like there is a lump in my throat and in my chest. Sometimes I feel light headed when I feel shame or my body and spirit feels heavy or even empty. I know some people feel itchy, some people feel like they need to take a shower, it truly varies.
I probably feel the most shame about my kinks and what I’m into and I think a lot of people can relate to this one. My biggest fear is that i’d be looked at like i’m a weirdo so I make “jokes” about wanting these things online but am really actually so serious LMAO
If sexual shame didn’t exist I’d never wear a shirt again. I’d feel so free. I’d sit on the beach and let my vagina get sun with my legs spread all the way open. I’d walk down the streets naked and barefoot. I’d hug people for longer periods of time. I’d probably try even more new forms of pleasure and masturbation and I'd turn every self care session into a ritual or a ceremony. I’d think of self pleasure as a celebration of me and of my divine birthright to feel pleasure.
I wanted to share this to show you that you are not alone.
Often I create the things I feel like I need in my life.
I needed good vegan products for my hair and I needed good cruelty free skin care for my skin, so I created my self care company.
I’m working to remove my own inner shame surrounding pleasure, so I created my pleasure company.
And I'm here to help you feel the least amount of shame possible. Like 0%. I want you to feel free and know that the ancestors jump for joy everytime they know you’re doing something that they never had the opportunity to do or had to do in secrecy.
So, here are some tips I think can help us change our future relationship with sex.
Answer the 5 questions above and really reflect and put a lot of thought into it
The next time you pleasure yourself, observe when the shame starts to set in, what are the thoughts you think when this occurs? Write them down and reflect on where they came from and why you feel this way about it and lastly write out the positive version of these thoughts.
For example “the faces I make are so ugly” can be changed to “I love how expressive I am when I’m feeling pleasure” a simple flip of a thought can help ease your heart.
Come up with a before and after care plan. Maybe your before plan is dancing and moving your body and your aftercare plan is caressing your own skin, smelling your own scent and thinking positive loving affirmations to yourself as you clean up.
This is the starting point of a great relationship with pleasure.
If you want some more insight on this topic you can check out the latest episode of my podcast The Love Atiya Experience and sign up for my pleasure shop email updates loveatiya.com/etherealx where I'll be revealing information about my newest project dedicated to ending shame!
I love you so much, to the moon and BEYOND
You get a big O, you get a big O *Oprah voice*
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I love you forreal!
Xoxo
Love Atiya
Listening to my sex positive podcast is like listening to your best friend's hour long voicenote. The Love Atiya Experience is definitely an EXPERIENCE.
Featuring episodes:
P*ssy Funk & What Your Vulva Odor Means | Dating App Horror Stories
The Time He Rushed Me To Cum, Mutual Masterbation Gone WRONG
If Your Boo Doesn’t Turn Your Body On | What Is Reactive Abuse | Celibacy Tips
You can click the link above to enjoy all of my podcast shenanigans.
PLEASURE PLAYLIST
I'm sure this is the main reason why most of you have signed up for my email blast! MY PLEASURE POSITIVE ABSOLUTELY ORGASMIC MUSICAL PLAYLIST! These playlists feature all of my favorite songs to masturbate to, plus a few suggestions from some of you beautiful souls! The spotify playlist features my top 50 songs of the month and the apple playlist and PDF playlist will be updated monthly so stay tuned for next months email which will feature brand new suggestions!
I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK!
Stay Tuned For Next Months Edition + Pleasure Tips.
Xoxo
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