Abstinence and Curbing my winter blues with Liberator

Love Atiya
Feb 23
4 min read

Abstinence and Curbing my winter blues with Liberator

A Note for the Reader

This blog is dedicated to survivors, wounded healers, and anyone committed to coming back into their body after years of feeling like it no longer belonged to them.

This is a gentle heads up that the topic of sexual trauma surfaces briefly at the very beginning of this article. If this is a triggering topic for you, I completely understand. Please return when you are ready and don’t judge yourself for needing time.

Abstinence & Curbing My Winter Blues with Liberator

Whether you’re reading this in the summer or the winter, I can guarantee you this: Summer loneliness and winter loneliness feel exactly the same. Summer just has better distractions.

If you know me, you know I’ve been VERY vocal about my abstinence journey.

It started in 2022 after I experienced three traumatic sexual situations. Like many 20 year olds, I tried to drown my sorrow in people who could only offer more of it to me.

One day, I reconnected with a guy I’d matched with on a dating app and slept with a year prior. The sex had been terrible. His foreplay was wack, and his goal was to “stretch me out.”Huh? Excuse tf out of me?

So clearly, I was not in my right frame of mind when I accepted his second attempt at seeing me a year later. This was especially true after he commented on a TikTok I’d posted where I was openly talking shit about our first experience.

For the record, all I said was:

His penis was way too big for me (no big peen slander I promise)
AND that He brought a firearm to my house and left it on my dresser

Chile. If you want the full story, that’s Episode One of my podcast.

He told me his goal this time was mutual pleasure. He’d seen me talking about it online and wanted to try it with me. Kinda weird that he was basically a fan but… I went with it.

His enthusiasm felt so…faux!But I still went to his house.

Within the First Three Hours There, I Had:

Spilled red wine on his brand-new tan carpet
Driven to Kroger alone to buy cleaning supplies and another bottle of wine
Returned to his house only to be ignored as “punishment” while he played video games
Found out he had a child
Had multiple failed attempts to open the new wine bottle (he didn’t have a bottle opener)
Had to teach him how NOT to use my sex toy via an app
Realized he was making beats on my sex toy because he’s a DJ
Watched him get a mouth full of boric acid after trying to give me oral after I explicitly told him not to
Finally climaxed, only for him to immediately criticize how long it took me

Tip: Never use your favorite sex toy with someone unless you’ve been with them a long time and they’re deserving of that experience.

Not only did he verbally accost me, which no one deserves, but he also withheld aftercare as yet another form of punishment.

Honestly, this man should get into BDSM based on his need for controlled punishment, but I think the concept of consent would trigger him.

If you want to know how the story ends, again you can listen to my podcast. But after that experience and one last attempt to hook up with a random Christian man I met at a festival who refused to get tested, the universe made it very clear.

I did not need to be intimate with anyone but myself.

Here’s What I Learned During Abstinence

The most interesting thing I’ve learned on this journey is that what I crave most isn’t sex.

It’s not oral.

It’s not fingering, although I wouldn’t mind a little of that right now.

What I missed most was closeness.

Something near my body.

Something supporting me after a full day of supporting everyone else.

I missed the cuddles.

Enter: The Arie & The Lune

When I first received my Arie, I fell in love with the weight of it. As someone who experiences anxiety, weighted items have always brought me peace.

What I didn’t expect was how much the weight replicated the feeling of another person. Not the full weight of a human, of course, but a deeply comforting, intentional pressure that made me feel held.

And let’s talk about pressure for a second.

If you’re partnered, does anyone else stress about laying on their partner for too long and cutting off their circulation?

Bing bing bing. That’s another reason the Arie is a winner.

You and your partner can literally cuddle on either side of the pillow, gaze into each other’s eyes, or use it for spooning.

This is especially helpful if, like me, lying on the side doesn’t always feel comfortable.

The Arie Is More Than a Pillow

The Arie isn’t just for sleep and cuddles.

She can be used as:

Support during intimate times
A soft, grounding landing place for aftercare

Gone with the days of sex with no aftercare. I personally believe it should be against the law not to comfort the person you just shared energy, time and juices with.

The Arie is a perfect reminder that aftercare is just as important as before and during and her design makes her that much easier to enjoy.

Her Size:36 x 25.75 inches

Her Luxe Materials: Adaptive memory foam, ultra-soft premium fabrics, a waterproof inner liner, and a machine-washable cover to keep things fresh.

And let’s not ignore the 4-inch discreet pocket.

Both the Arie and the Lune feature hidden pockets designed to hold your favorite bullet or mini vibrator. This allows for hands-free pleasure.

Singles and couples can enjoy this feature, and if you’re worried about mess, no stress. The cover is machine washable.

A Bonus Gift For You

Depending on when you’re reading this, the Arie may come with a Liberator Palm Vibrator. Yummmmy! That means there’s no need to stress about finding the “right” toy to fit the pocket.

So, to wrap things up, whether you’re: