Aftercare: The Secret Ingredient to Better Sex | What Is Aftercare?

Imagine this, you just finished a delicious solo session, the kind that leaves your legs like jelly, your clit humming like a bee, and your mind floating somewhere between omg yes and I can’t believe I’m feeling this good. And then…boom…that eire empty “what now?” feeling starts to set in and shadows of shame begin to linger. 

Has this been your experience and are you completely sick of it? If so, I have a beautiful tool for you and that tool is: AFTERCARE

What Is Aftercare?

Contrary to popular belief, Aftercare isn’t just for couples or kinky play! It’s for anyone who’s given themselves the gift of pleasure. It’s the intentional practice of nurturing yourself after orgasm and taking intentional care of your body, mind, emotions and spirit.

It wasn’t until I had my first experience with it in real life, that I learned just how imperative it was to implement it after all experiences with pleasure.

I’ve shared a story before on my podcast about a man who I’d created a “friends with benefits” agreement with in 2021. Not only did we experience the BEST foreplay and intimacy that I’d ever shared with a partner but he’d also reminded me of the importance of aftercare after sex.

His forms of aftercare included:

Bringing me a washcloth, getting us water, debriefing, asking how I was feeling & asking if I had any critiques (lol) I thought the critiques part was really cute and also very helpful and healthy, especially because he was genuinely open to learning about how he could please me even more and because of that, I actually had very minimal critiques to share.

It was the perfect conclusion to such a deeply intimate experience that was shared but unfortunately, after him, I’d never really experienced it being done intentionally again by my other partners and eventually, I realized I wasn’t even providing it for myself after my self pleasure sessions… we’ll get into this a little later.

I want you to think of aftercare as the gentle hug you give yourself after experiencing a wave of feelings provided by yourself (or a partner). 

The Origins of Aftercare

Fun fact: Aftercare didn’t just pop up with modern kink or self-pleasure culture. Nope, it actually has roots in both sexual wellness practices and psychology. 

The term as we use it today is most commonly associated with BDSM communities, where intense sexual or sensory experiences can leave your body and nervous system highly activated. In those spaces, aftercare became a ritual to help people ground, decompress, and reconnect after intense play.

But the idea itself, of caring for your body and mind after sex or arousal goes back much further. 

Across cultures, sexual wellness traditions included ritual cleansing, mindful reflection, and nurturing practices post-sex. Sounds amazing right? 

Here are some examples:

• Tantra (India): Ancient tantric teachings emphasized integration after sexual energy release. After intimacy or orgasm, practitioners would meditate, breathe deeply, or sit quietly to allow the energy to circulate throughout the body. This wasn’t just time to chill, it was a spiritual and energetic practice to honor your body and mind.

• Sexual Wellness in Japan: It’s been found in traditional Japanese medicine, after sexual activity, gentle massage, warm baths, and rest were recommended to restore balance and vitality.

• Western Psychology (blah): In the 20th century, psychologists studying human sexual response noticed that post-orgasm, the body experiences shifts in hormones and nervous system activity. From this, the importance of calm, grounding, and emotional care after sexual release became recognized, especially for people who might experience emotional vulnerability after climax.

So while modern aftercare is often associated with kink communities, it’s really an ancient, cross-cultural idea: sex and pleasure are powerful, and our bodies (and minds!) deserve nurturing afterward. It’s about grounding, integrating, and honoring the experience rather than rushing away from it.

Fun fact: In kink spaces, aftercare can be as simple as cuddling, checking in emotionally, or even sharing water and snacks… these are the same principles you can apply to self-pleasure. It’s all about connection, comfort, and honoring yourself for the ceremonial bliss you just enjoyed.

Why After Care Is Important

As we’ve discussed in the Ethereal Pleasure Academy, orgasms release a cocktail of hormones including: oxytocin, prolactin and dopamine that can leave you feeling euphoric… or, sometimes, emotionally raw. 

Without aftercare, your body and brain can feel a little “dang, now what?” and if this ISN’T your experience, I still deeply believe that aftercare can continue to enhance your self pleasure ceremonies.

Aftercare helps:

• Regulate your nervous system: slowing down your heart rate, calming that post-orgasm adrenaline.

• Prevent discomfort: wiping away sweat, checking in with your vulva, hydrating and all that other good stuff.

• Honor your pleasure: yes, just saying “thank you, body” out loud counts and can contribute to the feel good feelings.

• Boost your emotional well-being: a few minutes of mindfulness or journaling after can turn fleeting pleasure into lasting self-love.

Teaching Yourself Aftercare

Aftercare can literally be as simple as wiping away lube or sweat with a soft wet cloth, hydrating yourself, cuddling with a pillow, deep breathing, or even journaling about how that session made you feel. 

Here’s the VIP Aftercare Checklist:

1. Slow Down: Don’t bolt to the next thing. Stay in your cozy, post-orgasm bubble for a few minutes. Let your body bask in the euphoria.

2. Clean Up: Practice gentle wiping, taking a warm shower, or have a quick rinse! Whatever feels good. Bonus: make sure you use a mild, body-safe vegan cleanser when cleaning up.

3. Hydrate: Your body just had a full-blown celebration boo! Give it a sip of water or delicious herbal tea to keep it happy.

4. Cuddle Yourself: Grab a pillow, blanket, or if you’re like me, your favorite plushie. Hug yourself, literally or figuratively but I absolutely recommend the literal route.

5. Reflect, Meditate or Journal: Jot down what felt amazing, what surprised you, or even a few sexy thoughts for later. It’s about owning your pleasure story.

6. Moisturize if Needed: Sometimes your vulva needs a little love post-session. A gentle, body-safe , vegan moisturizer or natural oil can keep things happy and soft. (note: be cautious if which oil you use as some can cause bacterial growth)

Aftercare is the cherry on top of your solo pleasure sundae, the confetti after your orgasm parade and the love note you write to your own body. 

So the next time you finish, don’t skip it. Lean in, love yourself, and make aftercare a ritual because pleasure is sacred, and so is the way you honor it.

I love you!

Wanna Go Deeper?

Dive into my Ethereal Pleasure Library for step-by-step pleasure tips, journal prompts, video courses, and an audio library designed to help you unlearn, unwind, and unleash your pleasure.

With love and vegan lube,

Xoxo, Love Atiya

Pleasure Educator | Founder of The Ethereal Pleasure Oasis

What Is Aftercare?