How To Stop Feeling Shame After Feeling Pleasure

HOW TO STOP FEELING SHAME AFTER FEELING PLEASURE.

Have you been struggling with sexual shame? 

If you’re living on the planet called earth, the answer is probably a whopping YES.

I’ve spoken a lot about the ways and practices we can do to feel more comfortable exploring ourselves intimately but what about the guilty feeling some of us feel after this exploration is accomplished? 

A lot of people don’t know this but even though I’m a pleasure activist, I have to fight against feeling shame about my sexuality daily.

What society shoves down my throat, the negative woman bashing social media comments and my own inner dialogue (once again influenced by society) and also wondering if my ancestors watch me every time I get off.. Have all played factors in my self love journey.

Instead of feeling shame about feeling shame, I figured I was presented with the perfect reasonings to dissect it!

I think asking ourselves these 5 questions can help us get to the root cause of what we’re feeling.

1. When was the first time I felt shame after exploring my sexuality? Can I pinpoint what triggered the shame? 

2. Is the shame I feel mine or does it come from someone else's unresolved trauma?

3. How does it feel when I feel shame about my sexuality & where do I feel it? Does it feel hot? Confusing? Sad? Maybe I get a tingly and empty feeling on the inside?

4. What do I feel the most shameful about?

5. How would I feel about my sexuality or this sexual experience if shame didn’t exist?

For me, I believe I started to feel shame about my sexuality as a whole when I was 10, this is around the time some pretty life altering things happened and it felt like what started off as a very open and healthy educational relationship with pleasure, morphed into something tainted, secretive and slightly disgusting.

My shame definitely is a mix of my own unresolved trauma and the unresolved trauma of others. I grew up with a pleasure positive mom who was open to having discussions about any of my curiosities without judgment but there were definitely some hurdles like my friends and I secretly exploring each others bodies while “playing doctor” & I had to grow through my dad finding porn on my laptop and feeling like his innocent baby has been exposed. All of this contributed to my relationship that I have with pleasure today.

When I feel shame, I get overwhelmed, my heart gets tight, I feel like there is a lump in my throat and in my chest. Sometimes I feel light headed when I feel shame or my body and spirit feels heavy or even empty. I know some people feel itchy, some people feel like they need to take a shower, it truly varies.

I probably feel the most shame about my kinks and what I’m into and I think a lot of people can relate to this one. My biggest fear is that I'd be looked at like I'm a weirdo so I make “jokes” about wanting these things online but am really actually so serious! 

If sexual shame didn’t exist I’d never wear a shirt again. I’d feel so free. I’d sit on the beach and let my vulva get sun with my legs spread all the way open. I’d walk down the streets naked and barefoot. I’d hug people for longer periods of time. I’d probably try even more new forms of pleasure and I'd turn every self care session into a ritual or a ceremony. I’d think of self pleasure as a tool for manifestation & also as a celebration of me and of my divine birthright to feel pleasure.

I wanted to share this to show you that you are not alone.

Often I create the things I feel like I need in my life.

I needed good vegan products for my hair and I needed good cruelty free skin care for my skin, so I created my self care company.

I’m working to remove my own inner shame surrounding pleasure, so I created my pleasure company.

And I'm here to help you feel the least amount of shame possible. I want you to feel free and know that the ancestors jump for joy every time they know you’re doing something that they never had the opportunity to do or had to do in secrecy.

So, here are some tips I think can help us change our future relationship with sex.

1. Answer the 5 questions above and really reflect and put a lot of thought into it

2. The next time you pleasure yourself, observe when the shame starts to set in, what are the thoughts you think when this occurs? 

Write them down and reflect on where they came from and why you feel this way about it and lastly write out the positive version of these thoughts.

For example “the faces I make are so ugly” can be changed to “I love how expressive I am when I’m feeling pleasure” a simple flip of a thought can help ease your heart.

3. Come up with a before and after care plan. Maybe your before plan is dancing and moving your body and your aftercare plan is caressing your own skin, smelling your own scent and thinking positive loving affirmations to yourself as you clean up. CLICK HERE TO LEARN HOW TO CREATE A MAGICAL AFTER CARE EXPERIENCE

This is the starting point of a great relationship with pleasure.

Wanna Go Deeper?

Dive into my Ethereal Pleasure Library for step-by-step pleasure tips, journal prompts, video courses, and an audio library designed to help you unlearn, unwind, and unleash your pleasure.

With love and vegan lube,

Xoxo, Love Atiya

Pleasure Educator | Founder of The Ethereal Pleasure Oasis

PLEASURE PLAYLIST

ENJOY MY PLEASURE POSITIVE ABSOLUTELY ORGASMIC MUSICAL PLAYLIST! This is your absolutely orgasmic musical escape. A playlist designed to help you soften, sink in, and fully indulge in your own sensual experience.

These collections feature my favorite songs to pleasure yourself to, along with a few gorgeous recommendations from you, my beautiful community.

Spotify is home to my Top 50 Songs of the Month

Apple Music is refreshed and updated monthly

Press play, breathe deep, and let the music guide you into pleasure.

APPLE MUSIC PLEASURE PLAYLIST

TOP 50 PLEASURE PLAYLIST ON SPOTIFY

Blog: How To Stop Feeling Shame After Feeling Pleasure