What Is Mutual Gratification? | How To Enjoy Safe Touch Free Pleasure With A Partner

iloveatiya
Jun 8, 2024
4 min read

Updated: 4 days ago

Let’s chat about one of my favorite acts of service: Mutual Gratification (also known as Mutual Masturbation).

For my single folk, my couples, my long-distance loves, and my celibacy queens I highly recommend you listen up!

This practice is a powerful, low-pressure way to explore pleasure and intimacy.

What is Mutual Gratification?

In simple terms, it's sexy fun where two people are focusing on pleasure without intercourse. The goal is always feeling mutually gratified making sure both parties get off, feel seen, and feel connected.

We usually talk about it in two glorious forms:

The Double Touch: This is where you and your partner stimulate each other's genitals at the same time (think: you're pleasuring them, and they are pleasuring you). Fingers, hands, toys, it's all allowed, depending on what you've consented to!
The Look & Learn: This one is my favorite. This is where you both stimulate your own genitals while watching, flirting with, and giving attention to each other. (P.S. While some define this as needing or enjoying erotic materials and stimuli, I prefer that my partner and I have all of each other's attention which to me is the sexiest show to watch!

Why Mutual Masturbation is AMAZING

If you know me, you know that mutual gratification is my JAM!

Honestly, my list on why it’s so amazing and why I love it can go on and on, but let's highlight why this practice is truly revolutionary for almost everyone:

For the Celibate/On-Pause Queens: People like me who are celibate but still crave intimacy—this is your magic ticket! It allows you to connect and share arousal without breaking your commitment to yourself.
For the Touch-Averse: If you don’t always like to be touched but enjoy touching yourself, this takes the pressure off. You do EXACTLY what you need to do to make yourself feel good.
For Long-Distance Lovers: You can still experience powerful, shared intimacy, even over a video call (with extreme caution and trust, of course!).
The Ultimate Pleasure Map: It's the best way to get a PhD in your partner's body! When you’re watching your partner pleasure THEMSELVES, you get to know exactly what feels good to them and what makes them tick. Put your thing down, flip it, and reverse it—it’s also a great way for your partner to learn what YOU like!

The Playbook: How to Do It Correctly

The practice of mutual gratification is all about slowing down, getting present, and connecting to yourself and your partner. The following steps are important for a good time so please don’t skip them!

1. Talk First, Touch Later (Consent is a must)

Just because it's self pleasure, doesn't mean you skip the consent convo! Even if you’re in an established relationship, you must get enthusiastic permission to introduce this new activity. Ask: "I'd love to share my solo pleasure with you, how do you feel about us trying some mutual gratification tonight?"

2. Set the Scene for The Look & Learn

If you are doing the self-pleasure version (Option 2, the look and learn), this is the perfect opportunity to remove the pressure to perform!

As someone who has created Oscar worthy acts in bed, it never left me feeling empowered. If anything I felt like it was just another form of people pleasing but in the bedroom! I 10/10 do not recommend! Here are some tips to help you cease that pressured feeling to perform.

Focus on Self: Don't watch your partner for cues on how you should be touching yourself. Focus on your own pleasure first.
Verbal Cues: Feel free to share what you're doing or what feels good, but only if it enhances the vibe. "Oh my gosh, I love when you moan like that," is highly encouraged!
Feel it: Truly being in the moment and within your body allows you to deeply tap into each and every sensation, there’s no need to perform. Your body will naturally react and you in your most natural and orgasmic organic state is the sexiest thing a partner could ask for.

3. Incorporate Breathwork & Sensate Touch

Before you go straight for the genitals, try incorporating Sensate Touch! Sensate touch is mindful, non-demanding, non-sexual touch (think a gentle hand trace on the arm or thigh). This can calm that nervous energy and help you connect with your partner and your senses. You can also use Breathwork to center yourself and anchor your focus to the present moment, which amps up the arousal!

4. Check in, Check in, Check in (And Aftercare!)

Because this is an emotionally vulnerable act (you are literally watching someone at their most exposed), check-ins are crucial.

During: "Is this pace okay?" "How are you feeling right now?"
After: When the pleasure is over, check in emotionally, mentally, and physically. Acknowledge the vulnerability and thank them for sharing that sacred space with you.

HIGHLY IMPORTANT NOTE: Self-Pleasure is very SACRED!

You cannot mutually masturbate with everyone! I have a whole trauma story on the FIRST episode of my podcast where my attempt at mutual masturbation went horribly wrong because my partner at the time:

Rushed me to orgasm.
Shamed me because of how long it took.
Broke a boundary I set.

In that moment I very clearly forgot that Self-pleasure is SACRED and should only be shared with people you feel completely SAFE around and TRUST. Please learn from me and remember this, or you can traumatize yourself away from something that can be a truly beneficial and fun experience.

I trust this helped expand your world of pleasure.

If all of this is making you curious (or even a little tingly), I invite you to dive deeper with me inside my Pleasure Library. It’s a cozy online sanctuary that I created just for women like you. It’s a sacred, playful space filled with videos, guided audios, and practical tools to help you explore breathwork, expand your pleasure, and reconnect with your body on a whole new level.

Think of it as your personal treasure chest for pleasure, where science meets sensuality

Ready to explore? Come join the Pleasure Library and let’s breathe, play and feel pleasure together.

I love you to the moon

Love & Lube

Love Atiya

Founder Of The Ethereal Pleasure Oasis