Meeting Your Sensual Self | Creating An Alter Ego

Meeting Your Sensual Self | Creating An Alter Ego 

Have you ever defined what your sensual self looked like vs your sexual self? Is there a difference? Can one exist without the other?

The most beautiful thing about Ethereal is that the teachings here are created to help YOU create the rules, definitions and boundaries that resonate most with your higher self & within your journey.

If you know me, you know I HATE the word “expert” because absolutely no one on this earth can be an expert in YOU.

People who claim to be experts tend to forget that new information is put into the world every single day and all of the things we once thought of as concrete are morphing by the minute. Let’s not even get into the fact that a majority of our beliefs were created under patriarchal and colonial belief systems.

So, although I am so excited to provide insight into my world and a tool that worked for me, it’s important to remember that your journey is your journey and part of the fun is in the discovery. 

Allowing yourself to play and become curious about your relationship with yourself is the first step to a very fun filled experience.

My Experience With Sensuality

In an episode of The Love Atiya Pleasure Podcast (the episode about platonic intimacy, feel free to check it out) I share a story about a time where I was sitting on the beach with my eyes closed, swaying with the wind, smiling and singing music to myself. I remember opening my eyes midway through my favorite song, not because I was done with my moment in bliss but because I could feel people looking at me.

I remember feeling so vulnerable when I opened my eyes. 

I assume people were giving me looks of admiration because they didn’t seem like they had any malice behind the looks. Even with this observation I tried to close my eyes and feel it again but at that point I’d felt too vulnerable and too seen.

Why was it so scary for me to allow others to bear witness to my pleasure?

As I write this, I think back to all of the times I’d displayed my anger in public with no remorse or issue. Sure, maybe I was a little embarrassed afterward but I could barely keep count of how many times I’d expressed anger or rage when I was out in public, in the past.

After a FABULOUS reiki session and tracing my shame all the way back to an experience I had when I was around 3 or 4 (yes I took it ALL the way back) I realized I’d hid my sensuality for quite a few reasons.

1. All of the romantic relationships I’d had, minus ONE, told me that intimacy was a burden or that it was a bad negative thing. 

When it comes to the men in my life letting me know that they weren’t open to the intimacy I yearned for, the first thought that came to mind was “is it wrong for my partners to set a boundary when it came to asking for what they want or don’t want intimately?” No! Absolutely not. I think it’s a beautiful and necessary thing but it’s not okay or healthy when that’s something I knew my spirit craved.

My beautiful mind assumed that if we were having sex, there had to be some kind of intimacy, no? I mean, what was more intimate than having someone's whole penis in my mouth?

I was completely confused as to why they didn’t think that kissing, heavy petting, dry humping and sometimes even, like I said, oral sex was less intimate than say, holding hands or posting a picture with your basketball playing boo online?

Although I don’t blame myself I think for learning purposes, it is helpful to follow the path of the decisions or things that I’d agreed to for the sake of validation and acceptance, why I needed that validation and acceptance and how I can never make that same exact decision again.

Quite honestly, my relationship with my dad at the time was a WRECK. Although I’m SO thankful for the repair and the work he’s put in to heal our relationship, those years of dating and having an emotionally absent father were REAL.

Not only did that gravitate me towards emotionally unavailable men as a whole but it also kept me on a search for SOMEONE, ANYONE outside of myself to tell me I wasn’t broken and I WAS easily lovable.

Unfortunately almost every person reinforced that I wasn’t.

2. I had way too many recollections of letting my guard down, feeling genuine bliss and then being traumatized or violated.

Many people don’t know how to behave or what to do when they meet someone with a genuine soul and beautiful energy. Some people were never taught what gentleness was or their first instinct is to violate that person because they too have been violated during their vulnerable moments and now have become the monsters they once needed protection from.

Feeling pleasure out loud didn’t feel safe to me because I was not around safe people. 

These are just a few of many of my reflections but I think it’s important to dive into the definitions of sensuality and sexuality.

Sensuality & Sexuality

Sensuality

• Merriam-Webster: “Relating to or consisting in the gratification of the senses or the indulgence of appetite.”

• Oxford English Dictionary: “The enjoyment, expression, or pursuit of physical, especially sexual, pleasure.”

In human terms: sensuality is about experiencing pleasure through the senses like touch, taste, smell, sight, sound and even sexual, but not always. It’s broader and can include enjoying a soft fabric, a good meal, or music that moves you.

Sexuality

• Merriam-Webster: “The quality or state of being sexual; the condition of having sex; the expression of sexual receptivity or interest especially when excessive.”

• Oxford English Dictionary: “Capacity for sexual feelings; a person’s sexual orientation or preference; the quality of being sexual or having sex.”

In human terms: sexuality is about sexual feelings, orientation, identity, and behaviors—it’s tied directly to sexual attraction, sexual activity, and how someone experiences or expresses their sexual self.

So basically…

• Sensuality = pleasure through the senses (not always sexual).

• Sexuality = sexual feelings, orientation, and expression.

Learning has been trippy for me because a lot of the definitions that I’ve learned barely ever equate to what I believed the meaning of the word to be!

One key that WAS really helpful for me is to think of sensuality as the courage to feel. As the courage to tap in and utilize the senses that bring you joy and pleasure. 

Now when we think of it in this way, doesn’t it sound pretty nuts that the colonizers and patriarchal views have literally killed women for wanting to feel?

No wonder it was such an epiphany for me when my therapist's feelings were meant to be felt. The patriarchy taught me that feelings were a problem or a burden and colonization taught me I should be punished for feeling anything other than what they say is okay to feel.

According to the patriarchy, I can only feel good if it’s because of a man (financially, physically, etc.)

Now that we know this and now that we see why it’s IMPERATIVE to create a new upgraded vision of our higher selves it’s time to get to know her.

Creating or redefining how your sensual self shows up in this world can help set the guidelines for how much pleasure you allow yourself to experience, when, and how... and babes, I truly hope that you allow yourself to feel ALL the magic of your pleasure.

Your pleasure is a protest and feeling is your birthright.

Redefining Your Sensual Self

Set up a safe space and answer the following prompts from a whole and healing place. Allow your pen to flow freely and without judgment.

1. What is the deepest desire this part of me holds?

2. What does she crave without apology?

3. How does she move when no one is watching?

4. What does pleasure mean to her?

5. How does she express “yes” in her body?

6. How does she express “no” in her body?

7. What does she do when she feels most free?

8. What’s her relationship to the erotic beyond performance?

9. What’s her secret? The thing only she knows?

10. What parts of me come alive in her presence?

11. What is her name, or what names does she go by?

12. What archetype(s) does she embody? (E.g., siren, priestess, hedonist, wild woman, domme)

13. What colors, scents, textures, or music define her world?

14. How does she carry herself in a room full of people?

15. What’s her style? What does she wear when she wants to seduce the world?

16. How does she make people feel when they’re around her?

17. What kind of lover is she?

18. What turns her on physically, emotionally, energetically?

19. What has she been shamed for in the past?

20. What does she fear people might judge about her?

21. What has she had to hide to protect herself?

22. What part of her is still waiting to be loved fully?

23. Who or what has tried to silence her?

24. What boundaries does she hold sacred?

25. What rituals help her transmute shame into power?

26. What does a day in her life look like?

27. What rituals or practices awaken her?

28. What songs are on her playlist when she’s in full power?

29. What kind of legacy does she want to leave?

30. How can I invite her into my life more often?

Time to Integrate

Now that you've done the deep beautiful work and met your redefined sensual self, it's time to bring her out of the journal and into your life.

This is the most crucial step: Integration.

You know what your higher, most pleasurable self craves, what boundaries she holds sacred, and what makes her feel free. This isn't just theory, beautiful soul; this is your upgraded blueprint for intimacy. Every conversation and every "yes" or "no" you utter should now be filtered through her wisdom.

Your new vision of your sensual self isn't just about better pleasure, it's about establishing the trust and safety within yourself that you deserve. Don't hide her; let her lead.

Ready to explore how to apply this new sensual wisdom to your next social interaction or date? Let me know how it goes!

If all of this is making you curious (or even a little tingly), I invite you to dive deeper with me inside my Pleasure Library. It’s a cozy online sanctuary that I created just for women like you. It’s a sacred, playful space filled with videos, guided audios, and practical tools to help you explore breathwork, expand your pleasure, and reconnect with your body on a whole new level.

Think of it as your personal treasure chest for pleasure, where science meets sensuality

Ready to explore? Come join the Pleasure Library and let’s breathe, play, and rise together.

I love you to the moon 

Love & Lube

Love Atiya

Founder Of The Ethereal Pleasure Oasis

Meeting Your Sensual Self | Creating An Alter Ego