Lesson two: Get out of YOUR own head and into your GUT/intuition. STOP RUINING YOUR OWN LIFE (This thing....life....I just found out it's supposed to be FUN!)
Hello friends, foes, lovers and not so muchers thank you for visiting my blog and reading my latest installment!
I want to start this blog by reminding you, the reader, that I am STILL a constant work in progress but I enjoy sharing my on going journey with you all, in hopes that someone will read this and think “if she can do it, I can too” or “oh my god, I can relate! I thought I was alone!” Or whatever positive feedback it may have in someone’s life.
Sometimes I write about what I’m going through, as I’m going through it and then I write about the solution I am currently working through.
This next blog is a perfect example of that because I got called out for trying to ruin something very good for me yesterday, by standing in my own way.
A phrase I often repeat is “I was in my head” or “I have to get out of my head.”
What I’m usually referring to is over thinking or thinking too much. I think so much, that I don’t even live anywhere IN or NEAR the moment.
Not only am I in my head but I expect everyone else to be in my head as well and when they aren't I am HIGHLY offended and believe they a. don't care about me and what I want (even though they don't know what I want) b. don't care how I feel (even though they don't know how I feel) or c. aren't listening at all; Which could be why I don't say things in the first place because I believe no one will listen or care anyway and if they do and then they continue to offend me, they REALLY must not care.
But news flash, people need reminders and just like I have a head that i'm in, so does everyone else.
I don't know if the little voice in my head (we all have one and if you act like you don't you're in denial) practices tough love or has just become the bully that has manifested from years and years of people who secretly believed that they weren't sh*t...telling me that I ain't shit... but whatever it is, I realized OFFICIALLY yesterday that it is very detrimental and I HAVE to change my relationship with myself.
I thought my self love was ON FLEEEEEEEK.
And it is, more than your average bear (or human) but the way that I talk to myself, showed me that I am not fully unconditionally in love with myself.
I love myself and am so proud of myself.... as long as i'm nice to humans but not nice to the ones who aren't nice to me which doesn't really matter because I always end up being accidentally nice to someone not knowing they were gonna treat me like crap or not reciprocate my niceness.
See that run on sentence? THAT is what goes on in my HEAD 24/7!
I spend so much time trying to avoid feeling guilty or dumb or like a punk or too mean yet after every mistake I make, I feel guilty, dumb, like a punk or too mean.... and then preach to people that they should love themselves through it ALL..
Like hello sis, look in the mirror LMAO
Why do I feel that I'm the only person on earth who isn't allowed the fun quality of making a mistake and still feeling like a good, beautiful person, after that mistake it made!?
When I was little I NEVER cared what anyone thought of me. Yet, at the tender age of 23 I somehow ended up living so apologetically. Boy, I was sorry for EVERYTHING! Can you relate?
But yesterday I had a conversation with someone who is basically my human equivelant of a mirror and he told me all about myself (in a loving way.)
And in that talk, I learned that I have lived in fear courageously.
Ain't that some shit?
I can sit in a cage naked telling the world not to support animal abuse but GOD FORBID I STUTTER TO A STRANGER DURING A CONVERSATION!
I can ask celebrities for autographs and pictures but I'm TERRIFIED to ask a friend to do me a favor.
So, I say this to you but I also say this to myself.
In honor of living my best life, I am going to love myself in the GREATEST way...
By being nice to myself.
WAS THAT THE KEY TO SELF LOVE THIS WHOLE TIME?!
Oh wait, I want to include being honest with myself, even if I don't like the way the truth sounds in that moment, it's my truth, IN THAT MOMENT. The truth isn't always delicious but it spices things up and you know spicy things are always good for your health.
We must also remember that the truth and feelings can change, especially if they're combined. Well I guess the truth doesn't change but your perspective does as each second goes by.
Last but not least...
I am going to be honest with others and STAND in my truth. I've been honest with others but before my honesty emerges I'd let the truth steam in me and fester like a fart...by time that fart comes out it stinks and it's hard to handle and some people just can't take it.
But maybe if I would push that metaphoric fart out sooner rather than later, I'll save myself and the other person a lot of wasted time in turmoil.
So, what do you say??
Who's down to be nice to themselves.
I know drake just came out with the song "Nice For What" but that doesn't apply to OURSELVES!
So little inner voice, we are friends and there's absolutely NOTHING you can do about it.
I am going to practice falling in love and being grateful for every "mistake" that I make because in the words of drake it's all "God's plan" the difference between a good mistake and a bad mistake is how you treat yourself before, during and afterward and the changes you apply after that decision is made.
And with that decleration, I feel freer already.
Cheers to living our BEST lives.
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