How To Ask For More Intimacy | APRIL 2024
HAPPY APRIL MY LOVES!
This month is all about sex and communication.
In this youtube video from 2 years ago (pre “official” celibacy) I recorded some ways i’d ask my partner if they want to have sex again but now that i’ve taken a pause, I wanted to share some other ways that you can communicate with your partner when asking for what you want in the bedroom.
In this video I speak more about how to ask people you already have a sexual relationship with but there are more tips on the way for this in June: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcMwN2iKThM
TIP #1 FOR NEW ENCOUNTERS:
One thing I think jacked me up in my previous dating life was making up stories, fantasies and relationships in my head before I even met or really interacted with the person I truly desired. This is called “limerence” and I talk about this on my podcast as well as the episode with my special guest Nadine from The Sober Butterfly Podcast which is where I originally learned about the term.
So my first tip would be, get to know your person frfr before you even address sex. You may find you don’t even really like the person or they can positively exceed your expectations but regardless we have to start off slow because organic sex is great sex.
TIP #2 FOR NEW ENCOUNTERS:
Now that things are going well with this new person and you’re truly getting to know each other, it’s the perfect time to introduce other forms of intimacy outside of sex. Maybe you’re out on a date and you hold hands. Maybe you Eye Gaze when you’re at dinner. Maybe you have really deep exchanges in your conversations. This build up of intimacy 1. Can help you see how comfortable this potential partner is with intimacy and 2. Can help you feel more comfortable yourself.
TIP #3 FOR NEW ENCOUNTERS:
It’s time to officially ask the question because consent is #1 on the list of importance I'd recommend asking if they were open to having an intimate conversation regarding sex. This can be done over the phone or in person and you have to be ready for whatever response they give. If you’re nervous, share that with them! It’s okay to be nervous and the more authentic you are in the relationship the better.
If this is too serious of an approach, make a game out of it! There are so many fun card games that can enhance intimacy but there are also lists of questions you can ask a potential partner before getting with them. In this podcast episode I share 70 questions you can ask your partner to get to know them better sexually. Pinterest is also a great place to search for fun lists to get to know someone better.
Once you have their consent GET CURIOUS and make it fun. Ask them their thoughts and preferences when it comes to sex. Share your thoughts, what you like. It doesn’t have to be as scary as we make it.
Another big standard of mine when it comes to sex: DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE SCARED TO TALK TO AND COMMUNICATE WITH.
Nervousness is normal especially for those of us who may have experienced deep trauma but we have to remember sex is created equally for both partners to enjoy and you have to be comfortable within your own body and with your partner to TRULY enjoy the act.
So if you’re not comfortable and don’t know the person well enough to know how to approach them, it may be a sign to take a pause and evaluate before taking action.
I love ya’ll so much and hope this helped someone!
Stay tuned for our special MASTURBATION MAY celebration & a follow up to this tip for more established relationships in JUNE!
I love you to the moon and beyond
Xoxo
Love Atiya
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P*ssy Funk & What Your Vulva Odor Means | Dating App Horror Stories
The Time He Rushed Me To Cum, Mutual Masterbation Gone WRONG
If Your Boo Doesn’t Turn Your Body On | What Is Reactive Abuse | Celibacy Tips
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I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK!
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Xoxo
