How To Pleasure Yourself | Creating a Self Pleasure Ritual/Ceremony.

How To Pleasure Yourself | A Girls Guide To Self Pleasure

Hi! I’m so glad your search engine, mind or heart brought you here. Now that I’ve gotten your attention, I’d like you to act like you never saw THE M WORD before.

That’s right MASTURBATION. 

Someone once told me that words are spells and because many of us weren’t taught this at a young age, we walk around this earth accidentally casting spells on people we love, including ourselves.

Now, with this in mind, I’m sure you can imagine the panic I felt in my bones when I learned about the origin of the word MASTURBATION and the deep spell of shame that word carries.

The Derivative Of The Word Masturbation:

The word "masturbation" derives from Latin, though its exact etymology is widely debated.

The most widely accepted origin is a combination of two Latin roots:

• "manus" – meaning "hand"

• "stuprare" or "stuprare/turba" – meaning "to defile", "dishonor", or potentially from "turbare", meaning "to disturb"

So, masturbation roughly translates to something like "defiling with the hand" or "manual disturbance", which clearly reflects a historically negative and moralistic view of self-pleasure. I hate that for us.

Unfortunately, over time, this term has carried heavy cultural and religious stigma, which is part of why masturbation has been so deeply associated with shame and secrecy in many societies... hence why we are here today.

Now that you’ve received a history lesson, let’s get into how you can begin diving into the world of self pleasure.

As many of you know, when I was 16 years old my mom brought me my first vibrator (check out my podcast episode about this featuring my mom) 

She did this because she wanted to teach me that it’s okay and completely unshameful to explore my body before I allow anyone else to explore it. 

It was important for her to emphasize that I teach MYSELF what pleasure feels like before anyone else has the chance to “tell me” what my pleasure SHOULD feel like.

This was absolutely one of her BEST parenting choices and was a lesson that’s gotten me EXTREMELY far in life and with my pleasure as a whole.

Do you REALLY know how to pleasure yourself?

Suddenly, after many interactions with my peers and reading comments under my post, it came to my attention that everyone's mother didn’t buy them a vibrator at the age of 16 which I guess was just my unique experience. 

I didn’t realize that it’s not common knowledge for women to know how to bring pleasure to their own bodies or that they even know that pleasure is a literal birthright in the first place.

Fun fact: EVERYONE has the right to explore themselves in all ways but I also understand self exploration and diving into the world of you without a guide can be a bit intimidating.

It makes me sad to think about how many women are walking around this earth having pleasureless sex because they believe their wants and requests are an inconvenience.

Welp, I’m here to help take you to the drawing board.

Creating a self pleasure ritual/ceremony.

Whenever I think about rituals or ceremonies, I think about setting the space and time for worship, acknowledgement and celebration and who better to worship, acknowledge and celebrate than YOU!?

First: I always recommend doing a deep dive into your mind and heart. What is your relationship with pleasure? Do you feel sexual shame? My Workbook UNASHAMED is the perfect start for those who are looking to get to the root cause of their pleasure blockage.

Inside the workbook you’ll find body mapping exercises, breathwork tips, gentle reminders and forgiveness tools, journal prompts & more.

If you want to start slow you can try my 7 free journal prompts that were carefully crafted to help you disconnect from your shame and reconnect with yourself.

Second: I HIGHLY recommend that everyone take the time to admire the beautiful landscape of your Vulvas.

Oh my goodness what a beautiful body part she is!

Remember that damn shame I was talking about? Well, embedded in our psyche is the belief that our Vulva doesn’t look how it should look. If anyone has the definition of what the master Vulva looks like I’d love to know, so I could quickly disregard that disparaging and uninclusive information.

So get reacquainted with your beautiful Vulva. She is working overtime to make sure all systems are a go and you deserve to enjoy her in all of her beauty.

Mirror work is amazing, tantalizing and a heart warming experience which can help lead you to feeling a deeper connection with your vulva.

Click here to listen to my podcast episode which gives you a full breakdown of how to set up this mirror ceremony. 

The Before, The During & The After

There’s so much more to self pleasure than just toys and hands. I think practicing foreplay on ourselves and treating self pleasure like a ceremony, instead of a task, can definitely be life changing.

The next time you pleasure yourself I recommend you set the mood. This can help the next steps feel a lot less intimidating. 

BEFORE CARE/FOREPLAY

Burn candles, turn on a wax burner, dance around your room to sensual/uplifting music, touch everywhere on your body except your genitals, turn on galaxy lights/change the lighting up, use wax or liquids on your body, say positive affirmations to yourself in the mirror or in bed or wherever! 

THE DURING

Spread your legs and breathe.

You can begin enjoying your stimuli, close your eyes and dive into your imagination or watch yourself in the mirror and turn yourself on. Whatever you may choose.

Next enjoy all of your erogenous zones and tease each and every sensitive part of your body until you feel like you MUST touch your vulva.

You can shift your hips from side to side or back and forth or lap still while applying lubrication to your hands or toy.

Begin tracing that toy up and down your vulva, reaching every crevice and point.

Breathe and enjoy the sensations until you begin to feel a tingling feeling in your vulva. 

Sometimes it’s deep and euphoric, other times it's surface and blissful. This all depends on you, your mood, your body and what’s being stimulated at the time.

If you feel your vulva begin to clench and contract, that my dear, is a clitoral orgasm.

THE AFTERCARE

To avoid that sometimes icky feeling and also… just because you deserve all the care and intimacy in the world, it’d like to gently remind you about aftercare.

Although this is something that’s often connected with the BDSM and Kink community, it actually has a lot of history and equally as many benefits when it comes to the cum down of you cumming. See what I did there?

You can click here to learn more.

The list is endless and the way you experience your ceremony is 100% up to YOU but this is absolutely bound to help you feel A LOT better about yourself after your self pleasure session.

So babes, If all of this is making you curious (or even a little tingly), I invite you to dive deeper with me inside my Pleasure Library. It’s a cozy online sanctuary that I created just for women like you. It’s a sacred, playful space filled with videos, guided audios, and practical tools to help you explore breathwork, expand your pleasure, and reconnect with your body on a whole new level.

Think of it as your personal treasure chest for pleasure, where science meets sensuality

Ready to explore? Come join the Pleasure Library and let’s breathe, play, and rise together.

I hope this month is filled with nothing but love and pleasure for you.

With Love & Lube

Love Atiya

Xoxo